Dear Maxwell // Three Months

1/2/3mo

My sweet boy, 
You are more than I could ever imagine. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my whole life and every day I grow to love you more. You are such a good baby. You smile and babble in the mornings. You have learned to grab your toes. You radiate happiness. 

Your Dad left for his deployment when you were two months old, every morning he asks for a picture of you. We get to see him again in two days! He isn't going to believe how much you've grown and how well you can interact now. Boy does he love you. He cannot get enough photos and videos of you throughout the day. You make him so proud. The other night we were all Facetiming with Dad and I had the screen so you could see him. Maxwell, you couldn't stop smiling at the screen and every time you heard his voice you would coo and squeal. It was all I could do not to cry it made my heart swell. You two already have such an amazing bond. 
We love you so much,
Momma

**Other observations // You love holding your hands, it's as if you are praying. You've started to pay attention when I read you books. I left you with strangers (YMCA daycare) for the first time, it was tough, but so liberating. You don't want to be held like a baby anymore, you want to sit up or stand at all times. You are still in LOVE with that carseat, glad I didn't invest in a fancy baby seat for the house. You laugh and giggle lots now, it makes me feel like last months smiles were just a tease.**

Dear Maxwell // Two Months

**These are a little behind in posting, but I have been writing them on schedule**

Dear Maxwell,

We survived the first full month without your Dad. It was an emotional one, but somehow we held it together and I would even say thrived. How can I feel sorry for myself when you greet me each morning with that gummy smile? The smiles came about a week after Dad left, which have been so much fun to send to him. We FaceTime with Dad and you just stare at the phone's glow. You like hearing his voice and you kick your little legs fast when you hear it. 

Momma started working out at the house and you have to be in the same room. You enjoy watching me look silly and I will say it's not the same when you sleep through a workout. You've got your fussy times, about dinnertime to bedtime. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed when dinner is burning on the stove and you are screaming, but usually I can get you to settle down. You have been spending lots of time with your grandparents, they love you so much. It's so hard to imagine doing this without them so close. 

You've really started to focus on things and hold your head up. You can turn it from right to left and not need much assistance or support. We run LOTS of errands with you in the Ergo carrier. You fall asleep almost instantly, I can even vacuum with it on and you don't mind. You are sleeping through the night still and it's the best gift you could have ever given me. I feel human again and like I may survive this year without your Dad here. 

You love to be talked to. A big smile creeps across your face when you hear your name, Momma, Dad, hey baby, I love you and hello. I cannot wait to hear those words come out of your mouth one day, I will just melt. We also are very into music in the car, currently we have a CD given to us by some good friends. The car is and your carseat are two of your favorite places. You could probably sleep in your carseat all night if I let you. 

Oh you bring me and your Dad so much joy Max, we love you!

Momma

Thoughts on Being a Momma

When you announce you're expecting, people shower you with congratulations and excitement. You spend the next several months hearing how becoming a mother will change your life, that nothing compares to being a mom. You hear these things, but you actually can't comprehend how motherhood will actually feel.

I still remember those last few moments before Maxwell arrived and I kept thinking, 'I'm not ready!' and was a little panicked. The moment I heard his cry I felt this outer body experience and I knew he was mine. I felt immediate pride for that scream and when they laid him on my chest I fell in love. I have known love all my life, but this was something different. The man I fell in love with and I created this little tiny person, and there is just no way to explain how that makes you feel.

The first few days in the hospital felt like a honeymoon of sorts. I was still on painkillers and there were nurses to help us. I kinda felt like this wasn't going to be as bad as everyone makes those first few weeks out to be. The day we got home, I came to a different conclusion. There you are, sleep deprived, exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed and holding a baby. I knew I really wanted to nurse Max for as long as I could. Nursing a baby is no joke. Those first few weeks every feeding I would feel the energy being drained out of me. Rob would have to make sure I didn't fall asleep while nursing, it was so hard. Then by the time I would finish nursing, we might have two solid hours to sleep, eat, shower and regroup before the process started over again.

I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel until week five. And by week six I felt almost back to normal. Maxwell took every ounce of energy we had and somehow your body allows you to function when it probably should be giving up. It's honestly beautiful. I don't miss those first few weeks, but I think they are hard for a reason, it's like an emergency brake. You get reprogrammed to do whatever it takes to keep this little begin alive and you learn to put your own needs aside for awhile.

Maxwell is amazing. I could watch him for hours and sometimes I do. I love being a mom more than I ever thought. During my pregnancy I couldn't wait to have him so I could get back to doing my pre-pregnancy routines. As Maxwell becomes more of a baby and less of a newborn, I find myself already wanting to do this all over again. I told Rob the other night that for the first time in my life I feel like I'm a natural at something. I understand how women make this their only job. I'm enjoying every day with Max and realizing it all goes by so fast. I cry every time he out grows a piece of clothing and yet I'm so excited when learns something new. This motherhood thing is a roller coaster of emotions and I am so grateful to be on this ride.

What The Heck Is Eating Clean?

On the 23rd of February I began eating clean. What is eating clean?

I first came across this concept through an instagram account called eating_whole. I love how simple Lauren's meals were and the results she was getting. I knew I wanted to do something to help get this baby weight off and this seemed like a great approach.

The first week I was really surprised by the lack of cravings I had for bad things. I only drank water and had three meals w/ one snack a day. I took a grocery list from Lauren's account and bought everything I thought I would like. I learned what worked and what didn't. I kept track of my calories, but wasn't restricting them. I wanted to see which days I felt more full and had the most energy, which for me was between 1,450 - 1,550 calories (I am still breastfeeding). 

Week 1 I lost 2.5 lbs and felt amazing. Week 2 I lost another 2.5 lbs and still feel great. I am still surprised at the lack of cravings for bad food I've had. During my pregnancy I basically wanted anything but healthy food. My skin has never been more clear. I've tried every over the counter acne product out there and would still get spots on my neck, I haven't seen my skin look this good EVER. 

To date this was my favorite snack she has posted! 

I sliced a sweet potato super thin, tossed the slices in a tiny bit of coconut oil, placed them flat on a baking sheet and sprinkled with chili powder, paprika, and garlic. Baked in a 450 degree oven for 15 minutes until they became chips. The dip is 1 mashed avocado mixed with a big spoonful of Fage plain Greek yogurt, 1 diced tomato, a squeeze of lime, a drizzle of honey, a dash of garlic. - Lauren of Eating Whole

I've also restricted my dairy intake as it upsets little man's stomach, but I think I've made the switch to Almond Milk for good. I highly encourage you to check out Lauren's account and blog if you are interested in eating clean or just trying to eat more healthy. 

I will keep you updated on my progress, I plan to go a full 6 weeks. 

Rob's Deployment Ceremony

A little over two weeks ago we sent Rob off for his first deployment. Rob flies helicopters for the Alabama National Guard and they are being deployed for about a year. The unit put together an amazing send off weekend that was both emotional and impressive.

Our families gathered Saturday afternoon and drove Rob to the unit in our town. They had a formal ceremony where several Majors spoke about their bravery and the difficult tasks ahead of them. Surprisingly, I made it through the whole entire day without tears, although singing the National Anthem almost got me.

After the ceremony, we walked around the hanger and explored inside one of the Chinook helicopters. Everyone in his unit was able to meet Maxwell and he was passed around quite a bit. That evening we all went out to dinner at a very special restaurant to both families. Rob said his goodbye's to my family and we went home for our last night in our home together until 2015.

The next morning we drove out to the hanger where they would fly out from. Both of our parents were there and we all just stood around the helicopter Rob would be flying that day. The guys had a quick pow-wow and then were told they needed to be in their helicopters. That's when it got hard. Watching Rob say goodbye to his Mom and Dad, my mom and then Max. It broke my heart to think about everything he will miss seeing first person. We hugged goodbye and then the families had to walk back towards the hanger for them to take off.

I had never seen Rob start up his helicopter or take off, so I was pretty impressed with the rest of the send off. It took about 20 minutes of them checking things off and starting up their blades. Then one by one the helicopters went off and then we realized they were coming back for a fly over. I couldn't stop smiling as they flew over. As sad as I am that 70 men will be away from their families for a year, I'm proud to know there are men and families that are willing to sacrifice for our freedom. I've never understood that sacrifice until now and on days I'm having a hard time I think about how proud I am of my husband and all the men in the armed forces.

Rob will be stationed in Texas for a few months and just before the unit goes "in country" we will get four days together. I am so excited to see him and be together again before the long 10 month haul.

Maxwell's Birth Story

Maxwell Elliott -- December 23rd, 2013 -- 6lbs 2 oz --19.5in -- 4 weeks early

He is here! Oh boy did he give us a great story to tell!

Sunday the 22nd of December my water broke. We had just left one Christmas party and had driven 15 minutes to another, as soon as I stood up my water broke. I was just standing in a driveway trying to determine if I was peeing myself or if this was the real deal. I called out to Rob and we stood there a minute trying to process what was happening. We finally decided to head to the hospital, but I really wanted to go by the house to get our bags.

When we arrived at our house, we saw that I was bleeding a good deal. Rob grabbed our bags and drove like a crazy person to the hospital. I was really scared something was going wrong. We walked straight into Maternity & Evaluation and were hooked up to contraction monitors. The Doctor's told me that my placenta was detaching and that was the cause of the blood, they told us if it got worse they would need to do an emergency c-section.

We were moved up to a labor room where I tried my hardest to stick to my birth plan, but there was obviously another plan. Over the next 22 hours I had to have an epidural, IV, pitocin and then a c-section. I couldn't dilate past 3 cm and we found out later that even if I had my bones wouldn't have allowed a natural delivery.

I remember finally falling apart when they told me I had to have a c-section. Maxwell was coming four weeks early and I was afraid he would be in the NICU after delivery. All of our family was in the room before they took me to surgery and I was so relieved to have them all there for support. I couldn't believe that in a few moments we would be meeting our son and my journey of motherhood would begin.

During the surgery there was a lot of commotion and they asked Rob to come take a photo. Maxwell's umbilical cord was tied in a knot and wrapped around his neck. The Doctor's told us he was a miracle baby. They only see knots like this once a year and it doesn't have a happy ending. I was crying tears of joy as I heard his first screams. Rob went over and watched as they cleaned him up and checked him out. He was absolutely perfect. It felt like hours before Rob walked over with Max and laid him on my chest. He was so beautiful and all ours. I cannot explain the emotions, but they were overpowering.

And just like that we became parents to a beautiful baby boy. And we've been sleeping less and smiling more ever since.

Dear Doodle

**On October 22nd, 2013 my grandfather passed away. I haven't known what to say on my blog and so this letter will have to do** 

Doodle,
Thank you. Thank you for so many things, big and small. I'm not even sure how to thank someone for stepping up in my life the way you did. You were the man in my life from the beginning and I wouldn't be the person I am today if you hadn't helped. I never imagined you being gone and I'm so sad you aren't here anymore. I miss hearing you say 'Hey Red' and I miss your laugh, oh man do I miss your laugh. We lost you so quickly and I feel like there were still a million more milestones I wanted you to be a part of, that I wanted you to witness. You taught me so many things through the years together and I will never forget them. I will never forget your passion to serve in the community or help others. You lived a full life Doodle and helped so many different people through the years, I hope I can leave this world and accomplish half of what you did. I will continue to make you proud Doodle and I love you so much.
Love Red

My Man is 29!

I cannot believe Rob turns 29 today! I forget we are four years apart and 29 seems so far away to me. However, today is about Rob and how AMAZING he is!

Rob is the type of person that can make friends with anyone and talk about anything. He is always the one with the biggest smile and the most animated hand gestures. He loves flying only slightly more than SEC football, and he is ALL about his family. Rob is so patient and steady, he balances me out completely. He is the best husband I could ask for and I'm incredibly grateful for him. I also think he is the most handsome man I've ever seen.

Happy Birthday Babe!

Taking Stock.

I saw this on The Daybook and wanted to play along. I love her blog and her adorable son.

Making: a tiny human, 24 weeks 2 days // 6 months in
Cooking: banana bread muffins from our neglected bananas
Drinking: Milo's sweet tea, the kind with Splenda
Reading: Two Minute Drill to Manhood by John Croyle; how to raise a son, it's so darn good. 
Wanting: new french doors to the side porch and a new wood paneled front door...sigh
Looking: forward to Thanksgiving with both sides of our family!
Playing: with the pup dogs at the dog park
Wasting: away our weekends, we are seriously so lazy, but I kinda don't care because Rob's home and here. That won't be the case in a few weeks. 
Sewing: a little cross stitch of Italy for the nursery
Wishing: for an unlimited clothes budget for our little one, the new j. crew baby makes my wallet hurt thinking about it.
Enjoying: football season with Rob 
Waiting: to close on our 1st house, 18 more days.
Liking: the crispness in the air every morning and evening. I want to bottle it up. 
Wondering: what color hair our little boy will have
Loving: the man I get to claim as my husband, he just rocks. 
Hoping: for closure and peace as my grandfather gets closer to leaving us.
Marveling: at the fact that Rob pointed out a falling meteor during the football game this Saturday. IT WAS MAGICAL.
Needing: some kind of backyard guru to come build a deck and landscape our backyard, ya that would be great. 
Smelling: freshly washed sheets
Wearing: my favorite pajama pants and praying they fit me throughout this pregnancy
Following: my gut
Noticing: the leaves have already started to fall
Knowing: that I only have 4.5 months till Rob deploys and praying for guidance every day.
Thinking: about when I can run again, actually run, not jog. I miss sprinting. 
Feeling: restless and tired at the same time
Bookmarking: baby toys and baby clothes, it's a problem
Opening: some of the sweetest Mom-tobe cards from friends
Giggling: every night before bed 

Baby Update // Single Umbilical Artery

Today's post is something we've kept to ourselves as a family, until now, because the worrying is over. At our gender ultrasound 5 weeks ago we were told that the baby's umbilical cord only contained one artery instead of the normal two. No one really told us what this meant, which left google to fill in the blanks. I WAS TERRIFIED. Everything I was reading told me that SUA could lead to heart defects, kidney abnormalities and pre-term labor.

We were scheduled for a level two ultrasound the following week. There they verified that the original ultrasound was correct about the one artery, but they couldn't see any growth issues at all. They couldn't rule out any heart issues because baby boy wasn't far enough along, and so began the longest four weeks of our lives.

Rob and I prayed a lot for baby boy and we prepared ourselves for either result. Every day babies aren't born exactly like we want them to be, but we have the technology and medicine to get them back on track. I knew deep down that we could handle this either way.

This morning at 8:30 am, our four week wait came to an end. We found out that baby boy's heart is as perfect as it could be and he is measuring exactly on target. I've never been so relieved and happy. I always thought motherhood started the day you brought a baby into the world, but I'm learning that it starts much sooner than that. My mom's always told me that being a mom is like having a piece of your heart that walks around outside your body; I'm beginning to understand what that means. Parenthood is not for the weak and I know that as we begin this journey that there will be many more things to worry about and fear. But for today, I'm rubbing my tummy and shedding a few happy tears that this one is over.

An Ode to 24

Twenty-four. What an amazing, fantastic, emotional, life changing year. It seems almost like blur, most good things do that. I have to say it's been the best year of my life. I feel like a really became an adult this year, I started making decisions on my own without worrying about others would think. I broke out of my own expectations and I know I'm much happier now.

- I quit my high-paying government job down on the gulf, I had lived in a hotel for over a year. I couldn't make a life for myself being in perpetual limbo.

- Rob asked me to marry him. I said 'Yes!' 

- Indie & Chic really took off till the beginning of 2013. It was such a learning experience and I made a lot of decisions about where I wanted the business to go. 

- I discovered Peach-Pear La Croix.

- Was finally reunited permanently with my dog Parker, and gained Rob's dog Molly!

- Moved all my possessions out of my mom's basement and into a house we began renting. Possibly the most liberating feeling to finally be able to plant my roots for the first time since High School. 

- Getting married in Pisa, Italy with our families. 

- Spending the most romantic week in Italy with my HUSBAND!

- Knowing that nannying full time was not my passion, but being an adult and sticking with my obligations. 

- Falling into married life so easily and wondering when it gets to the tough part.

- Celebrating our marriage with a huge crowd of friends and family. Dancing until they made us leave and driving myself home in my wedding dress. BEST. RECEPTION. EVER. 

- Discovering that in fact I am a good cook and being able to try new dishes. 

- Diving back into running and signing up for a half-marathon with Rob.

- SURPRISE! Finding out we were going to be parents about four months into marriage!

- We survived through the hardest summer of both our lives. 

- My car of 9 years was totaled and I really miss 'her'.

- In January we will have a little boy in our arms and I just don't think it could get any better than that. 

- And all of the little things that make life full : Taylor Swift dance parties, long walks in the neighborhood, pancake Saturdays, date nights, painting parties, IKEA trips and spending a whole year beside my very best friend. 

25, you have a lot to bring to the table, but somehow I know it's only going to get better!

19 weeks

What's going on at 19 weeks:

- I've stopped craving sweets and candy... I don't know how to feel about this.
- My belly is looking more and more pregnant and less like I've let myself go. This makes me happy.
- I'm so happy to be done with race training and I'm getting into a new workout rhythm
- I've started to feel the little one moving, not kicks or anything, just flutters. I can't wait to feel a kick.
- The nesting part has begun, I've been cleaning and organizing every inch of our house. It feels so good to be productive again.
- I have a hard time grasping that I'm almost 4.5 months along, but still not really half way, I'm going to have a huge belly at the end of this.
- My weight gain has been non-existent this past month, which is good because I feel like I gained more than normal the first trimester. So far I'm up 13lbs, my goal is 30.
- Rob and I have been cooking again and it feels so good to be eating healthy foods and smaller portions, we got off track with all the hospital foods and meals. I can feel a difference in my energy and moods.
- So happy to know that baby e is a boy! We cannot wait to meet him!

Our Little Baby Is A...

We are beyond excited for little one to arrive and now I can start clothes shopping for little one.

The SeaWheeze 2013 // Lululemon's Half Marathon

Vancouver, Canada has to be in my top three favorite cities. I fell in love and barely got to see it all, I cannot wait to go back next year. Rob and I flew in late Thursday night and took the skyline from the airport into downtown. We stayed at the Hampton Inn, it was a great hotel and the perfect location for exploring the city by foot.

Friday morning we woke up early to go get our packets for the race, BIG MISTAKE showing up early. The line was wrapped around the convention center, apparently most people were there to shop the SeaWheeze store, so it ended up taking us 2.5 hours to get our packets. Rob jokes that the theme of the SeaWheeze weekend was 'lines, lines and more lines,' there was literally a line for everything. At this point we headed back to the hotel to regroup. We decided to go find the original Lululemon store and grab some new gear there, WAY less crowed. I'm also very happy to inform you all that Rob is now a Lulu addict as well, he went crazy over their running shorts! Yay!

Saturday morning we had to wake up around 5:00 am to eat early enough before the race. We started heading down to the race start shortly after.  It was insane!!! Over 10,000 runners all wearing Lululemon gear was pretty insane, it made for a very colorful crowd. We found our pace group and waited for the start. We were the 5th wave start, so we had to wait a little bit, I was getting a bit antsy. And then just like that we were off.

I always think the first few miles are pretty hard, it's always so crowded and you aren't in your rhythm yet. Rob needed to stop at the first bathroom he saw, but I knew I needed to keep going so we decided he would catch back up. At mile 3 I was getting kinda nervous that it was not a great idea to separate, but then he found me. About mile 4 we started running across this suspension bridge, it was basically a long hill up each way, I think mentally that was the hardest part knowing I had to go back up the other side. All along the way there were cheer groups with THE BEST SIGNS, they were so much fun to read while running.

After the bridge we were about half way through and we began running along the seawall. OMG it was breathtaking!!! I've never run a race that was so beautiful. There were more cheer groups all along the wall and in the water, they really thought of everything. About mile 10 I really wanted to walk, I called ahead to Rob and said I need a break. He let me walk for about a minute and then started jogging again and I followed. I think he knew I could do it, I just needed him to push me. I will say the last kilometer (.62 of a mile) was BRUTAL. Everyone along the sides kept telling us we were almost there, but with ever turn I still couldn't see the finish line. I wanted to be DONE!!! Finally we could see it and I ran as fast as I could to the end, Rob right beside me (he is the best).

Once we finished I must have looked pretty bad because some race guy came up to Rob asking if I needed medical assistance. Rob replied I was fine, just 4.5 months pregnant, the guy kinda looked at us like we were crazy. People kept handing us race swag and waters, but no food. I was starving!! I had actually been hungry for the last hour of the race, haha. The line to get food was insane!! I told Rob there was no way I was standing in that and so we decided to walk back to the McDonald's by our hotel. REAL LIFE here people, after a long race the grossest things sound so good, I kinda gag a little thinking about eating that quarter pounder after the race, but in that moment it tasted like pure gold.

We then took showers and a much needed nap. I told Rob we needed to walk a little or we wouldn't be able to move the next day. We decided to head over the Sunset Festival that was provided for the runners. We took the shuttle over and stayed for a few hours, Stanley Park is insanely beautiful. We decided to walk the seawall back to the hotel, a nice 7 mile walk. It felt so good to not be running that I would have walked further.

I was pretty sad we had to leave the next day. Rob and I have decided next time we come together that we need at least a week. I still just can't get over how beautiful the city is. I have plans to sign up for next years race and hopefully someone can come with me to hold the bitty baby while I run. I'm already  excited!