March 11, 2013

Rainy Day, Happy Heart

These photos were sent to me this weekend. Rob's sister is finishing up all the edits of our wedding and reception photos and she knew these would mean a lot to me. My grandmother has been in the hospital since Wednesday, so the first photo really tugged at my heart. I'm so blessed to have both my grandparents at the age of 24, but with that comes lots of worry and responsibility when they are sick. I watch my mom manage all of the bills, bank accounts, medicine and daily tasks that both my grandparents need. It's so hard to watch two people that in my eyes made the world go round, start to diminish and slowly slip into people I don't know.

My grandmother has alzheimer's disease. We've known for years, but the disease just rips apart your family. My grandmother, or as we all call her Gannie, can't even remember seeing me in my wedding dress. Rob and I sat with her in the ER for three hours the other night and she kept asking who Rob was. It breaks my heart. I miss her. I miss getting smoked in card games and hearing her nag me about wearing a coat. She isn't the same person anymore and there are so many mixed emotions with that.

So when these photos came, it made me smile. She was there. She saw me in my wedding dress. She saw me have my first dance with my husband and the way he looks at me. She was there. And though she may not remember it today, somewhere in her memories I know that she remembers. I'm so blessed that she isn't in pain or suffering, and that my grandfather can visit her every day. I need to remind myself of this when I'm feeling like 'it's not fair' and look at these photos and know she was a part of one of my happiest days. I love you Gannie.


  1. What a lovely post. My grandmother (only one I have left) is beginning to get a bit the same. She doesn't have Alzheimer's, but at 90 the routine sort of mild dementia and memory loss is difficult. She was really just a lot confused at our October wedding. But, as you said, she was there. Our grandmothers may not be the same women they were to us growing up, but I'm sure yours helped shape you as much as mine did me. And that's the important thing. There is love there whether or not they're know what's going on. And the love is the important thing. :)

    1. yes you are so right, thanks for your kind words. I'm so sorry your family is dealing with a similar situation, you will be in my thoughts. I loved what you said and I will continue to reread your comment on days I'm feeling down.

  2. I feel your pain.