random thoughts.

Today I've had a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head. thoughts about balance and life... and what I really want out of this next year. My job makes it so hard to plan, which is hard but also liberating. The first few months on this job I would literally work myself into a hot mess over not knowing what I'd be doing. I had no plan. No structure. No schedule. It was like someone had taken my world and flipped it inside out. My planner became more of a journal. I could only write in it after the fact. It was torture.

But then around mid August, I just let go. I let go of having to know exactly what the next five months would look like. I told myself I could make it to December without a plan. I realized how incredible it was it have no actual plans... this was new to me. I've been planning everything in my life since I can remember. However, I was happy and I loved my job and that's all that really mattered.

Now nine months later, I'm still not sure that one extreme is better than the other. I'm over the honeymoon stage of this whole "just go with the flow". Reason number one... I need goals. I need to have something to aim for, something greater to go after, to drive me. Reason number two... I'm not sure I should accept living in a hotel room for more than 12 months. June 21st will be one year of hotel living, and I want to end it there or before.

And so yea, that's what's going on in my head. Work is slowing down and I'm dreaming up big things, new goals and adding in some structure. I can't control my work situation, but I can control how I use my free time and making the most out of it. This post is seriously just a bunch of ramblings, but they needed to be put into words... mostly so I can reflect back on them in a year and laugh at myself... because things will work out and I'm going to make the best of whatever is thrown at me.