January 31, 2013

Pause.

Sometimes I just want to pause life. Say hold up, wait a minute. I want to sit down and enjoy this first month as newlyweds. To have more time for the gym, grocery store shopping, my business, our dogs and family. But apparently that's not how life works, there is no magic slow down button. I have so many emotions right now about being married, all of them positive, but it's slightly overwhelming. When I think about all the things Rob promised to me January 12th, I'm overwhelmed. Overwhelmed that the one person I love more than anything feels the exact same way about me. 


As I'm looking through all of our amazing wedding photos, I have moments where it doesn't even feel real. I got married in Italy... not even really sure how I managed to pull that off. I laugh so much with Rob and I never want us to stop laughing. I never want to fall into marriage stereotypes or fall victim to others expectations for us. With Rob it's been different from the beginning, he was this intangible crush, off limits, and now he is my husband. I fall asleep next to him every night and wake up to him every morning. When I write it all down it makes me drooling over a pair of Lululemon tights seem so silly. I've got what I've wanted most in life, a partner. 

After the wedding we all went to this amazing restaurant to eat. There was a toast made by Rob's dad, 'to whoever wins the first fight' ... I laughed at the time, because in my mind I'm thinking 'I'll always win'. A week later my mom jokingly asked who won and I remember thinking neither of us. Our one argument ended with us both apologizing for being jerks and I don't even remember how it started. Funny really. I want those kinds of arguments to be our only arguments. For times to stay simple and our biggest problems are motivating each other to go to the gym. I've got 11 more months to enjoy Rob being at home with me before deployment. In a way it seems like forever and in others it feels like he leaves tomorrow. Life is so good and I need to remember that. 

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